The Midlife Liberation: Why So Many Women Stop Caring What Others Think Around Menopause

Ever notice that somewhere in your 40s or 50s, you suddenly stop worrying so much about what people think?

This is not just a random personality shift. Science, hormones, and life experience all team up to create one of the most liberating changes of midlife: the freedom to live life unapologetically.

1. Estrogen Drops = Less “Social Soothing” Drive

Estrogen helps regulate oxytocin, the hormone that fuels connection, empathy, and the urge to keep the peace.

When estrogen levels dip during perimenopause and menopause, so does that constant biological nudge to “smooth things over.”

Result? You still care about people — but you don’t feel compelled to people-please at the expense of your own needs.

2. Progesterone Declines = More Courage to Speak Up

Progesterone has a calming, anxiety-buffering effect (via its metabolite, allopregnanolone).

When it decreases, it can cause mood changes — but it also removes some of the anxiety that holds women back from speaking their truth.

You might find yourself setting boundaries faster and saying what you mean without rehearsing it in your head 12 times first.

3. Brain Rewiring for Authenticity

Menopause sparks changes in brain regions tied to fear and reward.

• The amygdala (fear center) becomes less reactive to social disapproval.

• The prefrontal cortex (logic) takes more control over decisions.

• External approval just doesn’t give you the dopamine hit it used to — and that’s freeing.

  
  

4. Wisdom from Life Experience

By midlife, most women have navigated decades of challenges, responsibilities, and lessons.

You’ve learned the hard truth:

With time, energy, and patience in shorter supply, you naturally start prioritizing yourself.

5. A “Second Adolescence” in Reverse

Some experts call menopause a neurobiological reset — like adolescence, but flipped.

• Teens: hormones push you to fit in.

• Midlife: hormones (and wisdom) push you toward authenticity.

It’s not selfish — it’s self-preserving.

The Takeaway

If you’ve found yourself caring less about others’ opinions as you approach or go through menopause, know this:

It’s not rudeness, it’s growth.

Your body, brain, and life experience are aligning to give you one of the greatest gifts of midlife — freedom from approval-seeking.

Pro Tip: If you feel uncharacteristically irritable or detached, it’s worth talking to a healthcare provider. Sometimes mood changes during menopause are tied to hormone imbalances, sleep issues, or nutrient deficiencies — all of which can be supported.

References (APA 7th Edition)

Epperson, C. N., Sammel, M. D., Freeman, E. W., & Liu, L. (2013). Menopause effects on verbal memory: Findings from a longitudinal community cohort. The Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism, 98(9), 3826–3834. https://doi.org/10.1210/jc.2013-1704

Gordon, J. L., Rubinow, D. R., Eisenlohr-Moul, T. A., Leserman, J., & Girdler, S. S. (2016). Estradiol variability, stressful life events, and depressive symptom severity in the perimenopause: A longitudinal study. Psychoneuroendocrinology, 67, 38–46. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psyneuen.2016.01.018

Mosconi, L., Rahman, A., Diaz, I., Wu, X., Scheyer, O., Hristov, H. W., … & Brinton, R. D. (2021). Menopause impacts human brain structure, connectivity, energy metabolism, and amyloid-beta deposition. Scientific Reports, 11(1), 10867. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-021-90084-y

Sharma, G., & Prossnitz, E. R. (2016). G-protein coupled estrogen receptor (GPER) and sex-specific metabolic homeostasis. Advances in Experimental Medicine and Biology, 913, 97–108. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-32919-6_5

Soares, C. N. (2014). Depression and menopause: Prevalence, mechanisms, and treatment. Biochimica et Biophysica Acta (BBA) - Molecular Basis of Disease, 1842(3), 317–326. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.bbadis.2013.05.013